dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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