im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
