Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That accounts for only three of the penises
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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