It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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