the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
did you just send me my own nude
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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