this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
