So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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