The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
