Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
