mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
