i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
