I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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