I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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