I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
