Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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