What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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