The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
