every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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