I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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