First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
