it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
