I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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