Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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