Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
