I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
