when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
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I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
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Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Blame the bisexuality and move on?