Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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