ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.