Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.