i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
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theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
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I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Enjoy the penises