I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
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Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
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It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.