Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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