she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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