I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She has the best kind of daddy issues
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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