she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
