How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
