drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
so much tequila, so little girl.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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