It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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