I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
