i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
