I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize