It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
