..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
