just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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