how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
