you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize