I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
