So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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