I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my being single is dangerous.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
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I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
50% drunk capacity currently
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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