so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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