Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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