**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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