Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I want her autograph on my taint
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
