when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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