His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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