So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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