She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
