i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
