just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
