sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
