she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
