What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
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There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
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Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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