no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
