so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.