Texts From Last Night

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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.

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  (780): Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing. http://tfl.nu/pkwf
  Replies (37) Good night (987) Bad night (3270)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?

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  (316): Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter? http://tfl.nu/61dy
  Replies (34) Good night (4057) Bad night (888)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with

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  (978): you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with http://tfl.nu/g7w5
  Replies (41) Good night (1036) Bad night (5280)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.

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  (618): Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it. http://tfl.nu/arfl
  Replies (73) Good night (4913) Bad night (862)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..

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  (410): And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love.. http://tfl.nu/9pu8
  Replies (19) Good night (5208) Bad night (1189)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.

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  (519): I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus. http://tfl.nu/vafe
  Replies (5) Good night (4781) Bad night (742)
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  (646): View more from New York

  still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious

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  (646): still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious http://tfl.nu/u252
  Replies (4) Good night (711) Bad night (1597)
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  (818): View more from California

  That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth

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  (818): That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth http://tfl.nu/emd7
  Replies (9) Good night (2042) Bad night (954)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion

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  (203): I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion http://tfl.nu/g8mo
  Replies (11) Good night (2733) Bad night (518)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...

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  (713): I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year... http://tfl.nu/git3
  Replies (5) Good night (1329) Bad night (637)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.

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  (215): I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that. http://tfl.nu/2qs0
  Replies (1) Good night (1313) Bad night (377)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.

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  (505): It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand. http://tfl.nu/gh3l
  Replies (3) Good night (438) Bad night (1168)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.

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  (678): Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques. http://tfl.nu/wk2i
  Replies (8) Good night (1201) Bad night (602)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.

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  (614): I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD. http://tfl.nu/na70
  Replies (2) Good night (555) Bad night (222)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample

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  (306): apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample http://tfl.nu/rtrx
  Replies (6) Good night (1377) Bad night (326)

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