did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot