All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner