why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.