i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
