i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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