You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
