I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
pop tarts are not kleenex
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
