Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
