There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize