His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
