he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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