Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
