he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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