i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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