i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
