did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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