genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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