He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
