i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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