im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
