My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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