my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize