Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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