I want to stick my p in your. b.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize