After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
