As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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