Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
